Who am I?

Who are you? Define yourself? When Shirley came up with this question yesterday I was literally speechless. I was not able to give her an answer. To be frank I’m still pondering what it really means! How to define myself! To be frank I had never thought about this question before and was not able to get the right path of thoughts.

I have to admit that till now someone or the other channelized my thoughts, whether to right or wrong. Whether it injured me or not I always danced according to those tunes. I won a few in my life, but lost many, including a heart that’s now cold & hard, well set to have any number of unpleasant incidents. Career, relationships, money and all other things; I never opened my eyes and looked at them. I always tried to see it through my past. But now I strongly feel that this process of self-discovery, understanding and acceptance will surely help me to get out of the entire crisis that I have been carrying throughout. Now I am taking time to look within and understand me, rather than persistently focusing on what I was without, what I was denied or what I lost.

‘How are you?’ we ask this question a thousand times daily. But no one would ask ‘WHO am I?’ to him/her. When Shirley asked me yesterday it was like a hard slap on my face. Seriously speaking, I had never thought about it till now. To be frank so many questions arrive at my doorstep, about the people I dealt with, the decisions I made; innumerable number of questions I should say. Somehow or the other I am here now, but when I deeply think about this question and try to understand me more I see a new Anjana before me. I feel as if I was just trying to become someone or something throughout these years that I think would have made me happy. I tried stepping into jobs & friendships that were not satisfying me. My eyes were totally veiled by a mirage like ambiguity till now, not really knowing who I am.

Well, to know ‘Who I am?’ I think I should first know ‘Who I am not?’ Because I now feel that I am not what I do mostly in life these days or who other people want me to be.
The answer to ‘Who am I?’ is coming out with the distinctiveness in me; what makes you happy? What excites me? What scares me? What makes me feel lively inside? Who am I when no one else is around me?

I am trying to peel out the back layers to get the real me inside it. The layers include what I was told to be, who I believed I should be, the false personas that I developed, either to tackle or to cover-up my unpleasant experiences.

I know that this is not easy, as the process of becoming clear is like a course that never ends. The dead and decayed layers have to go from me to make me clearer. This blog is my first step to start self discovery.

I am gonna start with the small tip that I got yesterday from her. She said to write about me sincerely just like how we do in slam books. I am gonna write about me, my likes and dislikes, to know my core qualities that make me unique. I know that it is not as easy as I write SEO works, yet I have gained the determination to do that at any cost.

I am planning to spend some time on this exercise for the next few days and see what the outcome is. I know very well that self-discovery is timeless. But I am not planning to beat my head up against the wall to figure out what I want and how to get it. I am gathering the potential to be patient to set my intention to find more about me!


3 responses

  1. I had a friend who advised me to spent a few minutes every day to think about oneself and to analyze the past and the present. Its a great idea to practice…. it bestows in us a sense of self confidence and will shove away all misjudgments we have about ourselves.Its good that you have started with this errand…. I would like to wish you the best and believe that it will do you immense good!!! Do update the results as well!

  2. Really, we can define someone, but it is very difficult to define our own. 🙂

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