Hate for sake of hating is something that happens to me at times, without any kind of sensible reason to justify my thoughts. Stupid but true! This is a weird side of my persona, and I have to shamefully divulge this as I know I am wrong but can’t help it. I hate them so badly that my thoughts become very much evident from my gestures, thus practically driving them away for no reason of their own. You may perhaps be thinking that I am crazy for hating those who have in no way harmed me. But let me tell you that my hatred is not intentional, but impulsive, and sadly I can’t stop doing it at times. Sometimes they look arrogant, sometimes too silly in their talks, at times deceptive, and in certain cases they even look dangerous right at the very first encounter that I almost shape up a firm image about them, which later guides my behavior towards such people. Thankfully this doesn’t happen often, but very rarely and unexpectedly. Let me tell you one such account of indefensible hatred.
A fair woman with very average looks; she’s one among the forty plus women’s gang in our bus, and keeps blabbering throughout the journey, laughing eccentrically at times. I first met her almost a year back, but haven’t talked to her even once ever since I saw her for the first time. Yet I hate her so badly for some really mysterious reasons that keep whirling around me like those pale ghosts from midnight movies, preventing my mind breaking away the shell of abhorrence.
Initially, even her presence sued irked me to the core, and I even tried figure out what can be the possible reason for my hatred. I tried watching her very closely to know what exactly makes me dislike her, but couldn’t fathom the reason behind my hatred. May be her noisy talks or her hilarious laughter; I have a couple of possibilities to say, but I am not sure of the real reason behind the extreme dislike.
Once I had a bit too rude to her that I almost ignored her when she gave me a very pleasing smile. I know it was very uncouth on my part for disregarding someone who was more than pleasing to me, but let me confess that my hatred overpowered my courteousness, the reason why I couldn’t smile at her, and instead gave a very cold and serious look. I am sure she might have wondered why I did that, and even might have thought that I am a rude and arrogant woman.
As I said before, we don’t know each other personally and haven’t tried to talk to each-other even once, the reason that makes me wonder why I find her extremely annoying and repulsive, although I don’t have any proper justification for my thoughts. I know very well that disliking someone for no apparent reason is totally unjustifiable and egotistical, but let me confess that it just happens over and over again, even with people whom I have never talked to in my entire life. It’s a kind of ‘hatred at first sight’ as it often comes at the very first sight and keeps remaining fixed somewhere inside my heart, no matter how close I get to know that person later on. I know I should never carry a prejudiced mind but I am really helpless when it comes to ‘certain’ people who unknowingly plant the seeds of deep hated inside my mind.