It doesn’t happen all the time, but yes, there are times when I just don’t feel like talking to anyone, when I want to remain silent and completely detached from all the people and things around me. Some people mistake my silence for arrogance, but those who know me closely are well aware of this alter-ego of mine, which keeps appearing in between, making me feel desperate to remain silent and unconnected for sometime.
Sometimes I badly need those silent moments; those detached times when I can be within myself and spend some time in solitary confinement. By solitary confinement I don’t mean those melancholic and retrospective moments that are powerful enough to thwart even the highest level of positivism. It’s about those moments of disconnection that can help me clean my mind and take some deep breaths before coming back to the hustle and bustle of life. It’s not a mental illness, like how most of the people out there feel, but just a method of cleansing my mind.
Be it in mine or someone else’s case, people are often prejudiced about the reason for quietness of a person. They do have this very bad notion that all the quiet people are alike, and have more or less the same reasons for being quiet. So people who don’t know me much always come up with their own ridiculous assumptions my quietness and I remain stubbornly tight-lipped and ignore their “What’s wrong?”s and “Are you Ok?”s because I hate giving replies and justifications about why I am silent, although I am grateful for all those ‘kind hearts’ for being visibly concerned about my abrupt silence.
I keep wondering why people just make this wrong note of my need and likeness for solitude. I am not an introvert, but not an extrovert either, and speak just the average amount of words that I would need to survive. But there are certain moments when I am totally blank, when all that I want is a few moments of soothing silence, and I just go on a compulsory silence and come back to ‘normalcy’ in perhaps a few hours. But those few hours are very important for me to bring my mind back on track and take time to figure out things that might have run messy and out of order. So even if I don’t have anything to brood or fret about, I do take a few hours of detachment from the world and go on sitting silently for a couple of hours as it gives a completely fresh aura to come back and start things with more energy and enthusiasm. I am not quite sure about the number of people who can relate themselves to this, to the desperate need to cut off themselves from the world and live a few hours in silence.
This obscure ‘fetishness’ for enforced silence has been with me since childhood. No matter how long a person keeps tempting me to start talking or share some of my slightly above average jokes I will keep my mouth shut like a stubborn little girl. Thankfully some of my friends know that I go on such hibernations on and off, the reason why they hardly bother to call me or text me during those moments of self imposed silence.