I am a firm believer of enjoying every bit of what I do, and always make sure to give in my cent percent in to each and every task that I am entrusted do. Irrespective of being unconditional about what do on professional as well as personal front, I sometimes so badly yearn for a little appreciation for some of the best things that I painstakingly manage to accomplish, and most of the times end up saddened on knowing that I am not even given a hearty smile as a token of appreciation. It hurts; it sometimes hurts so badly beyond words!
They say flattery will get you nowhere, but is that always true? With respect to the circumstances and instances that I’ve been, I can say that it’s not true. In today’s world of deceit and thanklessness, flattery and buttering up do matter a lot to climb up the ladder of recognition. On a professional front, I am very much ahead of my peers in my work quality and dedication, but I get hardly noticed, appreciated, or rewarded as I lack the tactics to build up strategies of office politics, to shamelessly butter up , and to puke out flattery unashamedly.
I also lack the quality of shouting out my own praise and going around singing attention seeking sagas of my own works. Even when it comes to my personal blog, I hardly do anything to promote it or to forcefully grab someone’s attention in to the posts that I’ve been penning since the last five years. While other blogs which are not as old as mine gets widely promoted, all that I do is continue writing mine in the same old fashion. In short, I am not good in ‘self marketing’ which I think is the very crucial flaw that has put me on a stagnant professional life from where I don’t find any tempting outlet now, which can give me a complete reincarnation, putting me on an entirely new and inspiring professional front that ‘s encouraging, effervescent and absolutely rewarding. I wish; I wish someone find my capabilities, appreciates my talent, encourages me to do more, and rewards me for all the hard work and toil that I put into my works.
On a personal front, I don’t have any close to heart friends to go gaga about. Yet, I am in good terms with everyone around and always try to as much possible to help them whenever needed. In spite of being a doer more and a taker less, I’ve hardly had any one who took time to say a sincere word of thanks or appreciation from heart. As I said before, I keep making myself understand that I have to be purely unconditional, but yet, I cannot let go of my innately human thoughts and feelings which sometimes makes me upset when I am not even returned a thanks for something that I might have done after long hours of handwork and patience. I make sure not to show my unhappiness, but keep thinking about why this happens to me.
I’ve lived more than half of my life on this earth, but have met only a very few people who can completely understand how important it is to be thankful, to appreciate people, and to be encouraging. My mom keeps telling me to do things without any expectations in mind, but I know that I am not as good as her, and sometimes do expect a little in return, at least in the form of a happy smile or a warm hug. On a professional front too, like everyone, I love being congratulated for an achievement, being appreciated for the hard work and toil, and being motivated and empowered to do more. But to be frank, I haven’t had any such memorable moments yet, which I felt good enough to be cherished for the entire life.
I really yearn for a new phase, a new beginning, a rebirth, a total transformation on both professional and personal front, where I get to work and mingle with better people and better ambiance from where I get at least half of what I had been yearning for throughout these years. Although all my efforts to get this much needed change had been fruitless till now, I still keep trying as I hope I would get that deserving transformation sometime soon.
Do you think I am expecting too much?
When it comes to relationships, I am a firm believer of playing safe, both on professional and personal front. I never try and go overboard to cling on to any relationship, instead, try my best to maintain it within a safely set distance. If it doesn’t work for me and the person on the other end, no matter whoever he/she is; I will make sure to bid adieu on talking terms instead of creating a rough end and rubbing the other person in a wrong way.
So if you ask me whether I have an intimate friend, I would say I don’t. It’s just because I don’t trust anyone completely. I know you would be shocked reading this, and may even presume that I might have had a chain of bad experiences in the past, by trusting the wrong people. You guys are right to an extent. I did have had some heartbreaking moments in life when I naively showered a huge amount of trust on wrong people and ended up getting hurt. But to be frank, I don’t regret what I did, as those incidents have made my heart strong and rock hard. They have also taught me some valuable lessons that have made life worth living. So, having taken the messages from those bitter experiences, now I make sure to keep people a little away from me, but at the same time maintain a cordial relationship with all.
In my opinion, not having someone close to heart is not something as bad as to get worried and cry ones heart out. But many of the girl pals I know keep pressurizing me to find someone with whom I can share my thoughts and feelings. They believe that I get increasingly fearful when it comes to choosing a friend, and am unable to harness enough courage to trust someone completely, and keep telling me that I should stop becoming prejudiced about anyone and everyone whom I meet.
To be frank, I am totally not looking for an ideal person who completely puts oneself in to a friendship, as I know it’s too much a utopian way of thinking. The fact is, I am not completely willing open up to anyone. In other words, I am not feeling the need to expose the entire me to anybody, in any circumstance, as I really don’t have any positive reason to do that.
The same thoughts kept, and still keep, swirling around me whenever I almost bump(ed) in to some pretty good romantic proposals that I politely denied. When it comes to love, I know very well that my playing safe theory would never work, and I am in no mood to surrender my entire mind and thoughts to anyone, and sometimes fear if that would disrupt the freedom and space that I have enjoyed throughout these years. Although I am very much like other women, with all the feminine feelings, and would love to be in a good relationship, my mind often gets overpowered by the possible hurting outcomes about trusting a strange person and letting him know me in and out.
Almost all of my girl pals are either married, engaged, or committed their long-term boyfriends. So they find it really hard to understand the reason why I have ‘failed’ to find someone, even after given the entire freedom. I am not sure if trust issue is what keeps pulling me back from moving in to the so called intimate friendship or relationship, as I have always strongly felt that I’ve moved on from all those wrong steps that I had taken in the past. But yes, as I said, I want to play safe now and here-on without giving myself yet another chance to falter my steps and fall prey to another distrustful person, no matter whether it’s a girl pal or a guy friend.
Whatever the relationship is, giving-in ones 100%, I think, is nothing but digging one’s own grave. This is because, more often than not, the person on the other end, on knowing us from head to toe, would obviously make good use of our frailties and mold us in the way they want. This, I think, is something common irrespective of gender differences.
A week or two has never been a huge time gap in between my blogging journey, as I have taken more than that. But since I am trying to lessen the time gap between my writing accomplishments, here I am with yet another post on something that may sound a little silly to a few of you. But for me, it is more than awful, although I know that I would never get a stable and convincing solution for this worry. It’s nothing but the agony of being in a noisy ambiance, especially in the office. I start pulling my hair out and get cranky when the office surroundings get as noisy as a busy street.
Have a talkative colleague or a co-worker who keeps yipping on his cellphone throughout the day? If the clatter of the keyboard is overpowered by the blabber of a talkative co-worker, what one needs is a quick shift from that workplace, in order to get more concentration and perform better. People have asked me more than a zillion times about the reason behind my hatred towards those abnormally chatty people around my workplace desk. I have many reasons to stay away from such people who cannot stop themselves from being frantically noisy at workplace. The basic reason is my lack of patience to deal with people who create distractingly loud conversations and unpardonable nuisances in the name of vivaciousness. So what I do is just diplomatically stay away from them and thus save my ass. But I do keep wondering why some people talk so incessantly and need more than the required amount of attention and praise at workplaces, the reason why they keep chirruping every second for all the wanted and unwanted reasons.
At the outset, my work demands a good amount of concentration, which can be achieved only if I have a very pleasant and noiseless atmosphere around me. Being a writer I will have to in a totally noiseless and attentive zone. So it’s really hard for me to tolerate loquacious people around, no matter how fewer they are in number. But, being in an office, I can never demand for a comfort zone that I prefer to work in, and hence don’t try asking for a quieter place where noises don’t reach so easily.
But if you ask me about the kind of person I am, I would say I am a talky techie when compared to the nerdy ones that you might have seen around. Yes, I do talk, but not when I am working on something, the reason why I so badly hate people who are extremely noisy at workplaces, thus annoying those who are sitting around. Some of them just absentmindedly talk in almost ear-splitting noise that often gives my tympanum a huge shudder. I think such loudtalkers will be there everywhere and not just in the office. Some others consider it their privilege to have their mobile phones in ring tone mode, and make other forcefully turn around and listen to the low-grade ringtones and supposedly private conversations. There is yet another group of douche-bags who would play songs so loudly with absolutely no regard for people around them.
In short, workplace ethics is books and blogs don’t actually come into practice sometimes, which makes it really hard to be around such people who consider them privileged and elevated when compare to other people around. Having said that, I should not miss the gossip mongerers who are so sick at heart that they just love to spread all those cooked-up stories, irrespective of whether it hurts and badly insults the person they are talking about. I used to believe that women do this more, but have changed my opinion, as I know now that men are the worst gossip mongerers that one can ever find.
What do you do with work jerks of these sorts? How do you manage to avoid a chump who is keen on distracting you from a serious work? The uncontrollable anger that I used to have initially has now gone, as I have always felt that changing such people would be nothing but impossible. So I diplomatically remain tight lipped or try my own ways to put-in more concentration into my work. If “sound masking” is something easily possible I would have done it all over myself long back, in order to save me from the harsh ordeal of being left alone in the noisiest ambience.