Another year is gearing up to bid goodbye! Looking back at those bygone months, I feel that they have gone way too fast than those in the previous years. This thought of quickly losing a precious year of my life is making me feel a little low, for not being able to achieve some of those must needed changes and diversions in both professional and personal front.
At the outset, after spending almost six years in this city, 2013 is the year when I had so badly and desperately wanted to move to a newer place and enjoy the company newer people. After wanting a refreshing change from the constantly repeating daily routine that has almost made me more than evidently mechanical, and after trying hard to get it, I have been so badly unsuccessful and desolate, which has been draining out my enthusiasm and confidence to keep trying more. If you ask me the reason why I want to move on, I have a couple of reasons to say, of which a better professional life comes first, following by the terrible need to put an end to by incomparably long hostel life. Honing my skills has always been one of my priorities, and I right now, I want to dive in to more prospective arenas on a professional front, to earn for myself a more broad-spectrum knowledge and higher levels of hands-on experiences that help boost my knowledge and at the same time provide me a more better financial backing to survive in this alarmingly costlier world in which everything except human beings are so damn pricey beyond reach. Repeated tries to get this done took lions share of my time this year, and returned nothing but some heavy and saddening thoughts on why I so terribly failed, even after being capable and gifted to a commendable level. Absolutely desolate and badly depressed, I often hold back my tears when I start thinking about this, the reason why I want to purposefully forget my failures and move-on with the hope that if god willing I would achieve it in 2014.
After having lived a good number of years in various hostels, and particularly single and sometimes so lonely, I hoped that 2013 would bring the life partner that I had always dreamed about, so that I could end the year as well as my prolonged hostel life on a positive note. But sadly I could never find someone who can be my truest and trustworthy friend for life. Most of the men whom I met either needed a partner to quench their physical desires or a slave to whom they can keep giving orders whenever and wherever they preferred. I looked around the entire year for that ‘special someone’ and couldn’t find him till now, as the year draws to a close. This hasn’t made me so terribly and visibly upset to the level of tear jerking, but I am feeling sad that I so badly failed on a personal front as well. Like any other woman, I too have always wanted a love-filled life with friend-like partner with whom I could happily grow old, but as I can never compromise on the narrow-minded, heavily egoistic, dictator-like, and bossy attitude of men, I kept refraining from entering in to any relationships till now, and hope I would get to meet that special someone in 2014.
Having said all the failed dreams of mine, I should also mention the bunch of surprising blessings that this year gave me, and most important one among this is my revived and rejuvenated writing style that has helped me jot down a good number of blog posts that one could read here on my blog. 2013 has made me feel more empowered as a writer and look forward to polishing my skills more and more in the coming years. Apart from writing, I also rekindled my love for reading this year, and managed to rebuild that long-lost bondage with books. As I have said many times before, I am not good in making friends, and nor am I interested in those artificially created relationships, the reason why my friends list remains the same like the previous year. Many other changes, both sudden and premeditated, and on-and-off twists and turns have changed my life for good, no matter how they came-in.
As the year winds down, like every one, I too have a bunch of hopes for the coming year, but I am not deeply reliant on them, and do not wish go overboard and over-expect about anything, as I hate myself falling deep down in to the pitfall of being let-down by fate. As always, I do want to save myself from being doomed in the sea of sorrow, in case my hopes and plans turn out fruitless at some point of the year. But I must also admit something here, and that’s I am extremely thankful for whatever I am blessed with right now, and have absolutely no remorse about anything and no hard feelings for anyone, as I believe that forgive and forget is mantra makes me move on, although the first part of it is a bit difficult sometimes.