Is it time to leave?


blogI came for an exciting future which has now become a stinking stagnancy from where I desperately want to escape and re-engineer my life. 

It’s my seventh year in the big city, but sadly, I don’t feel it as alluring as it used to be. Far away from the hustle of a metro and the maddening crowd that throngs around, I was brought up in a not-much developed town, way far-off from the big city. Growing up in a traditional middle class family, I was never familiar bewitching cities and addictive lifestyles, as all those were confined only till the television programs that I got to see, after pretty-much ‘censoring’. With no Carrie Bradshaws and Lizzie McGuires to boost my rather diminutive dreams, I never aimed big or wished for a world beyond the limited surroundings that I was confined. Moreover, living in an overprotective family that never exposed me to the treachery of the world outside I trusted and believed things and people in the way they appeared to be, and never felt the need to delve deep, as I blindly believed people around and trusted them as I trusted myself.

But destiny had other plans and I moved in to the big city which enticed me with a whole lot off nerve-tingling excitements that were nowhere found back in my home town. Although I was new to the city life and took considerable time for being a part of the fast paced urbanism, I got attuned to the new lifestyle, yet curtailed myself from getting lost in the totally new world that I was in. Months and years passed by, moulding and remoulding me from the much simple, sometimes downright silly, to an independent and serious woman with a vivid idea of how to live and move on, even in the toughest circumstance that I get thrown in to.

The journey was not as easy as I felt it would be. Along with a good share of gains, I got to experience equal or perhaps more share of losses as well, when unexpected happenings unfolded with several unforeseen moments. While small and medium-sized victories brought moments of joy and pride, what fueled my growth more was the hard experiences of being exposed a whole new world without any notions of how it would be. With no idea of people and situations around me, I went on living every day in my own way. I fell down and failed very many times, but stood up again taking-up lessons from every experience, both good and bad, and making them the catalysts to move forward. My never-give-up attitude strengthened me to rise-up from every fall, no matter how wounded I was. Relieving from the burns and wounds, I moved forward each day, leaning on to every single ray of hope that made me dream about a better day and a brighter future.

Outgrowing the pain of being ignored, dejected, back-stabbed, deceived, unrewarded, unheard, and unappreciated was not easy for me, but I fought and won those battles all alone, whilst withdrawing myself and creating a cocoon from where I hardly go out now, to get close to people around, in the way I used to.

I came to explore the city that I’d been dreaming about for so long, but it has nothing more to tingle my senses and excite me to remain here further.

Seven years bygone, and the consistently appealing big city has lost its charm to monotony and lackluster. The sunshine is dulling each day and I want to break free from this long default setting of my life. Life is almost akin to a very mechanically running machinery which keeps moving in the very same way at the very same pace, uninviting and unexciting. On a professional front I am more or less in stagnancy with no upward movement to hope for, while on personal level there’s nothing further to excite and motivate me to remain further. The anticipation that brought me here, the feeling of being on a roller-coaster and waiting for that adventurous start, is no more alive and vivid in my mind. I feel as if I am constantly walking towards boredom and monotony, only to keep pulling me back from reaching there.

Yes, I want to move on and start afresh in another city, possibly unknown and unfamiliar of, preferably far away. Is there any way in which you can help me out?

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